


Deep Breath

by DAWK



Category: Normal People - Sally Rooney, Normal People - TV Series
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Post NYC, With a bit of suspense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:33:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24950077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DAWK/pseuds/DAWK
Summary: For the first time in his life with Marianne, Connell Waldron knows exactly what he wants to say.
Relationships: Connell Waldron/Marianne Sheridan, Marianne Sheridan/Connell Waldron
Comments: 28
Kudos: 131





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I planned this fic out last night and it's ended up being much bigger than I anticipated so it'll be three chapters, all in all! I really hope you enjoy, please leave kudos and comments because I love hearing your thoughts!

  
Connell perched on the window seat in the living room, looking out onto the rainy Dublin streets below. He had only been back in Ireland for just under six months, returning from New York slightly later than he thought he would, due to a delayed publication date for his first collection of short stories and the fact that he'd truly come to love the city and was quietly reluctant to leave it behind after the most ridiculous yet incredible year.

He knew he'd never stay there forever; the people were friendly but so entirely extroverted that he found it almost hysterical at times. The 'Irish charm' people in New York were constantly telling him he had made it undoubtedly easier to find a publisher and set up meetings, which he sometimes felt bad about taking advantage of, although not in any real sense; the world of writing was tough enough without feeling guilty the moment a minor loophole presented itself.

Connell felt drawn back to Ireland for three reasons, besides than the fact that it felt like home. He'd missed his mother and knew how much she felt the same as she had made sure to tell him so, repeatedly, throughout his entire year abroad. He felt as though he had somewhat unfinished business in Dublin; the city hadn't been particularly kind to him during his time at Trinity but he was ready to give it another go now he had some form of self-esteem and had managed to convince himself that he had some talent as a writer. And then, there was Marianne. 

They'd kept in constant contact throughout his year abroad, texting almost every day and skyping a few times a week. He'd been genuinely surprised when she told him she had no plans to date anyone until he was back. He'd hoped more than anything that this would be the case, but Marianne was known for her surprising behaviour and he knew the way people were naturally drawn to her. When he got back they'd picked up almost exactly where they'd left off, as though any time apart simply hadn't happened but also aware that they'd both grown up and were much better off for the year that had passed between them.

Things were much more predictable in Connell's life now. He liked that, although there was a feeling in the pit of his stomach that Marianne didn't like the day to day of normal life and was only minutes away from doing something mad just so she could say she had. They'd been sharing a one bedroom flat for the past three and a half months and at no point had it felt claustrophobic or stifling to Connell, nothing but completely comfortable. Marianne worked at a museum in the city centre and Connell was in the beginning stages of his next anthology, being paid a healthy amount from his publisher to do so. Most days he would sleep in while Marianne went for an early morning swim before she headed to work. Connell wrote best of all in the library at Trinity, where he'd spent the majority of his undergraduate degree reading, writing and fretting. He'd get there by mid-morning and time his departure with the time he knew Marianne would be leaving work, meeting her on the street corner by the tiny bakery they bought their Sunday morning pastries from. They'd walk home together, chatting about their days before Marianne would make dinner and Connell would clean the dishes. They'd curl up into a pool of tangled limbs on the sofa and watch political documentaries, biographies of various writers and dreadful Netflix originals before heading to bed to read for a while and doze off contentedly together.

Connell often wondered what his 18 year old self would have thought of his life now. Last week, he'd gone back to Carricklea to visit Lorraine whilst Marianne attended a hen party of a college friend he didn't really know. Back in his childhood bedroom, Connell grabbed a book from the desk drawer which he quickly remembered was his old journal, the one in which he'd scribbled down many a thought about Marianne. Turning to a random page, Connell exhaled slowly as he read his scrawlings from six years ago:

_"I'm not even sure I like her. It's probably just because she's quiet at school, where everyone else seems to be constantly talking to me. At me, not to me. I don't really feel as though I'm ever present at school anymore, not since all this started. I haven't even told my mam about it, god forbid she ever finds this notebook lying around somewhere. I suppose she'll find out at some point if it carries on happening, I don't think she'd mind - she likes Marianne. The irony isn't lost on me that I can say for certain that Lorraine likes Marianne but not if I do, when I'm the person who's sleeping with her. I think she has that effect on people, makes them completely unsure what to think, or say, or do. Not that she has no effect at all, quite the opposite, truth be told. Not just with me, with people she doesn't really like being around, too. She'll say something quick-witted to Rob or Eric when they're trying to take the piss out of her and it catches them off-guard so much that they can't do anything but make childish noises in response. I have no idea what's happening, to be honest. I can't seem to stop seeing her, nor do I want to. Maybe it'll just naturally run its course and no-one else will ever know about us. That's probably exactly what will happen. I mean, we hardly know each other, it's not like we'll end up together for the rest of our lives or anything like that."_

He let out a small chuckle under his breath, rolling his eyes at how dramatic it sounded when that sort of heartbreak seemed long gone, now. He'd spent the weekend catching up with his mother, chatting about various family members' posts on Facebook and how his writing was coming along. As he turned to let himself out of the house to drive back to Dublin before Marianne got back herself, Lorraine shouted from the kitchen, "Sweetheart!"  
Connell left his holdall on the floor by the front door as he turned back to follow the sound of her voice, "Yeah?"  
Lorraine smiled as he entered the kitchen, brushing his broad shoulders gently and cupping his face in her hands.   
"I just wanted to tell you, I think you're doing the right thing, you know. And I'm proud of you."  
Connell laughed and shook his head in a bid to escape her grasp as she pinched his cheeks, "Thanks, Mammy."  
"Look at you, you're so grown up!" Lorraine walked with him to the front door, giggling to herself as he kissed her cheek and walked to the car.  
"I'll keep you posted, alright? I love you."  
"I love you too, son. Safe journey back, okay?"  
Connell nodded as he got in the car, unable to stop the smile that was making its way across his face as Lorraine watched him drive away, to the point where his grin became painful.

The next few days were pretty similar to most as far as Connell was concerned. Marianne had returned with several ridiculous anecdotes from the party, although Connell had remained unusually quiet about his visit home to Lorraine, something Marianne had picked up on, because of course she had. Marianne noticed everything.

"Does she not like me anymore?"  
"Why wouldn't she? There just isn't much to say, is all. Just a boring weekend at home, really."  
"She must have said something to you at some point, Connell."  
Connell turned back around and finished polishing his shoes, the same scuffed up pair he'd worn to the Debs, to his graduation, to every big event that required non-athletic footwear, really.  
"Is it something about my family? Has she seen my mother in town again? Did they have an argument?"  
"No, Marianne. It's nothing, honestly. Nothing happened, alright? Can we leave it now? We're going to be late."  
Marianne sighed, picking up her bag and jacket as they headed towards the door. "Fine."

Connell was fully aware that the dinner party they were attending would now be filled with awkward small talk and glaring side eyes from Marianne, but for once he wasn't overthinking it. Instead he let it wash over him, as he knew that in a matter of hours, the atmosphere would have changed between them completely. Forever.

Hopefully.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's Chapter 2, I hope you all enjoy! Please leave kudos and comments as always, it's lovely to hear from you!

Marianne shivered as she hung her coat up, running to the bedroom to grab her thick mustard cardigan and thermal socks. She and Connell had spent the evening having dinner at Joanna's apartment, along with Joanna's girlfriend Evelyn, Niall and Elaine. The pair had only just avoided a minor argument before leaving the flat hours earlier, with Connell being unusually short with Marianne. They didn't fall out often, but it was always Marianne who was reluctant to back down and Connell who was keen to defuse the situation. This time felt different, and Marianne wasn't exactly sure why.

Walking out of the bedroom, Marianne noticed Connell was hovering near the living room door where she'd left him.   
"Are you staying?" She asked, turning to plump up the cushions on the sofa beside him.  
"What? Yeah, why?"  
"Aren't you going to take your coat off, then?". Marianne could hear herself coming across as petty, now that they were alone. Maybe she had been all night, but it wasn't really fair when she had no real reason to be. Connell was always quiet, keeping himself to himself until a moment arrived when he had to be brave and tell somebody how he felt, that was just his way. Marianne walked past him into the kitchen to boil the kettle, smiling weakly at him as she did in a feeble attempt to break the tension between them.

Connell sighed deeply to himself as he threw his coat on the stand in the hallway, running his hand through his hair as he walked back into the living room and sank down onto the sofa. Marianne soon followed him with a steaming mug of tea in each hand, placing them down on the coffee table and clearing her throat quietly.

"Should we watch something? I think there's a true crime documentary on tonight that we haven't seen before."

Connell looked up at her as she searched for the TV remote, "Erm, yeah we could do."

Marianne continued her search, walking over to the other sofa and facing away from Connell to feel behind the cushions. 

"M-Marianne."

"Yeah?" she replied with a slight strain in her voice as she stretched out further in an attempt to grab the now located remote from under the sofa.

"I just wanted to uh, to say something? Ask something, I suppose." 

Marianne stood up, brushing herself down, "What's that, then?"

She turned around to find Connell right in front of her, on one knee, visibly shaking with nerves.

"Oh." she mumbled, so quietly that it was barely audible.

******************

Marianne's eyes widened. This was why he'd been so secretive recently, it all started to make much more sense and her heart ached thinking about how cold she'd been with him earlier in the evening. 

"Don't laugh..." 

"I'm not! I promise, I'm not going to laugh at you." Marianne bit her lip to suppress any potential giggles before closing her eyes briefly in a bid to remember as much of what was about to happen as possible.

"We uh, we've never talked about this, maybe you don't ever want to do this kind of thing and that's fine. I don't know uh, why we haven't, we've talked about literally every other thing that's ever happened or ever could happen but not, not this. I think I do want this myself, like, but if you don't that's okay, we don't have to."

Marianne smiled to herself, she'd long been convinced that marriage was not for her, after witnessing how toxic the marriage of her parents had been throughout her childhood. It seemed nothing more than an old-fashioned form of eternal punishment, or at least she used to think that. Since Connell had returned from New York, they'd started to live a quiet, unassuming life that her second-year-of-college self would have thought unbearably boring. In reality, it was just about as perfect a way of living as Marianne could imagine. It wasn't without its obstacles, but they seemed minute in comparison to the fraught lives she and Connell had been living up until a year ago. The routine that they had become accustomed to was more than enough for Marianne in the long term and she often found herself incredibly thankful that Connell had brought her back from the brink when she had been with Jamie and Lukas, pursuing some sort of sadistic thrill that didn't exist and, even if it had done, she didn't really want.

As content as Marianne had become, standing in front of a rather nervous Connell, she suddenly realised that he had been thinking about a new direction for their relationship for at least a little while. She didn't see a ring, but it couldn't have been a spur of the moment thing, Connell simply didn't do spur of the moment things. Whether it was the writer in him or the anxiety that often overcame him, Marianne was pretty sure that he'd noted down everything he was about to say to her, multiple times.

"I just- I really love you, Marianne and I don't want to fuck this up ever again. I don't think we make much sense with other people and I can only speak for myself but I don't make much sense on my own, either." Connell tilted his head up to look Marianne in the eye, as she laughed loudly at his last statement, "No, you really don't, Connell."

He started laughing too, then. He felt the muscles in his back start to ache from being so tense in the past few minutes and exhaled now that he felt a bit more at ease. Until he realised...

"Shit." 

"What? What is it?" 

"Nothing, I just - I forgot to get this out..." Connell fumbled around, trying to get a black box that was wedged into his jeans pocket out, much to Marianne's amusement. Sighing with frustration, he turned the box to face her and opened it slowly, revealing a slim silver band, adorned with a single pear-shaped diamond in the middle. 

"Oh, Connell." Marianne smiled sweetly, knowing how much he'd have tormented himself about buying the perfect one. He had pulled it off, though. She knew how sensible he was with money, but she couldn't help but wince slightly at the thought of it costing him a lot. She didn't need any sort of gesture, not really. Although she decided to keep quiet about that, for fear of him getting upset and thinking she hated it. She definitely didn't hate it.

Connell shuffled ever so slightly closer and took her left hand as delicately as he possibly could.

"Marianne?"

Her smile changed then, from one that was encouraging, prompting Connell to keep talking once he saw that she wasn't horrified by what he was saying to a smile of excitement, one that expressed nothing but adoration for potentially the most nervous man on the planet in that exact moment. 

"Yes, Connell?"

He chuckled, glancing down at the floor again but immediately looking back up into Marianne's eyes, taking a deep breath as he did so.

"Will you marry me?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the final instalment! I really hope you all enjoy, please leave any comments, I love reading them!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!x

Marianne had never considered marriage before, not since she was a very young child, anyway. She had convinced herself over recent years that people found it impossible to tolerate her company, that she was entirely unlovable. As a result of this, the concept of someone being content enough around her that they would propose marriage to her seemed completely alien. And yet, here that someone was. Connell Waldron, no less, down on one knee and getting more anxious by the second. Stepping slightly closer to him, Marianne decided it was time to put him out of his misery.

"Well, I'm not getting married in a church. No way."

Connell let out a small chuckle, "We could get married anywhere you want. Anywhere, honestly."

Marianne raised her eyebrows quizzically, prompting Connell to continue.

"And - and we don't have to invite any arseholes, it could just be the two of us if you wanted it to be."

"Connell, if we didn't invite any arseholes it literally _would_ be just the two of us." Marianne replied, smirking softly and folding her arms as her eyes flitted between looking into her boyfriend's and at the ring he was holding nervously in his hands.

"Is, erm, is that a yes?" Connell whispered almost incoherently, looking down at the floor for fear that she might just say the opposite.

"Of course it's a yes, Connell." Marianne nodded to him reassuringly. Watching him rise to his feet, Marianne couldn't help but burst into a huge grin, laughing at the thought of ridiculous she must look doing so.

Connell wrapped his arms around her waist tightly as she snaked hers around his neck, leaning in towards his ear.

"I love you, Connell."

"Mm, I love you too, Marianne." he replied softly, pulling away slightly so he could look her in the eyes. Connell could feel his cheeks starting to burn up, something that he knew Marianne had also picked up on as she started to giggle, beckoning for him to come and sit down on in the armchair with her.

Marianne folded herself onto his lap as he tentatively removed the ring from the box it had been kept in for the past month. Connell had taken to carrying it around with him everywhere to ensure it didn't get lost or stolen, something which had ended up causing him even more stress than he'd anticipated. Marianne watched him intently, noticing he was still shaking with nerves.

Since they'd entered into a full, committed relationship with one another, Marianne had become aware of signs he'd give off when he was looking for some form of reassurance. She thought back to when Connell received numerous accolades for taking on the role of Editor for the literary magazine, how even in a room full of people, he had looked straight to her in an attempt to calm himself down when people started cheering for him. She was glad to have that effect on him; she hoped she always would.

She reached out to run her hand through his dark hair before hooking a finger underneath his chin, tilting his head to force him to look at her. "You're alright, Connell. It's okay." Marianne grinned at him, placing a soft kiss on his forehead and pulling him close.

"I just didn't think you'd say yes, to be honest. I've been thinking about what to say for a while and it just, I didn't know what to do-"

"Connell," she interrupted, "It was lovely." Marianne traced her finger over his ear softly as she listened to his breathing start to quieten and regulate, "But you know, I'd have agreed no matter what you said. I'd have said yes when we were at school, not that you'd ever have asked me then."

Connell laughed, "Oh, really?" He liked hearing that. The idea that he could've proposed to her after their first kiss in her family home and she would have accepted was absolutely ridiculous, it was absolutely Marianne.

Connell thought back to those days, if they could tell their younger selves that they'd end up together in spite of it all, that it would all be worth it. The disastrous Debs, the numerous other relationships, the breakdowns, the endless Skype calls and missing one another would all mean something, that they'd eventually come through the other side, together. Perhaps knowing this would have made the heartbreak they'd both endured a lot less painful. On the other hand, maybe that pain was part of the reason they were both sat in the living room of their unassuming Dublin flat on a rainy Thursday night, finally wrapped up in a moment of calm, uninterrupted happiness.

*****************

Lying in bed next to Connell later that evening, Marianne turned to face him, a glimmer of moonlight peaking in through the curtains as the rain outside continued to pour.

"Marianne Waldron."

Connell chuckled as he moved closer to her, "What are you on about, now?"

"I think it suits me, don't you? Waldron."

"I guess so, yeah. I hadn't given it much thought. To be honest, I never thought you'd even thinking about changing your name."

"Why?"

"You just don't strike me as the type to willingly take on a man's surname."

"My surname was given to me because of a man."

"Mm, true enough." Connell yawned quietly as he settled back to into his pillow.

"Maybe it'd be a good thing to remove the Sheridan thing from my life, I'll have to think about it, though."

"Fair enough."

"And if I _do_ decide to change my name, it doesn't make me any less of a feminist, okay?"

Connell let out a loud laugh, "Yes, okay Marianne."

"I'd be doing it to honour Lorraine, not you."

"I'm sure she'd be thrilled, genuinely."

Marianne smiled as she pulled the duvet cover further up towards her chin. A few moments of contented silence passed, and then...

"If we ever to reproduce, though..."

"Jesus, you make that sound romantic, Marianne."

"If we ever did, they can have your surname."

"Sounds like a solid compromise."

"I think so, too."

Connell smiled, kissing the tip of her nose gently as he wrapped an arm around her.

"It's a deal."


End file.
